When the signs are there, it feels awesome
The holidays are gone. And stressful they can be. Financially and mentally, yes they can drag you down. But getting together with loved ones helps balance things out. Lately, I have been dealing with a young adult in my home trying to go out into the world without enough resources, preparedness, or contacts. This alone is plenty to cause me to grow a few grey hairs. Because of her, and me trying to instill it in her that an education is imperative to locking in a better future, I have decided to return to school and complete my studies. I have stopped and started, dropped out and went back, took other avenues, and never got to final destination. I thought many times: I’m not smart enough. And can’t do this. I don’t need to do this. And always think better and differently in the end.
As I left from visiting my mother in Philadelphia, I checked my google maps to make sure my route didn’t contain any red traffic spots and it looked good. When I entered the 95 north on ramp, I drove about a mile and noticed the traffic going the other direction was jammed packed and barely moving. I blew a sigh of relief that I wasn’t stuck in that mess. I looked in my driver side mirror and saw nothing but congestion and red brake lights applied. As I got down by the sport complex areas, I still kept checking that same side mirror and noticed the traffic was backed up way down here. I had to stop looking in my mirror as I realized, that that traffic had nothing to do with me or where I was going. That traffic was going south/ down and I was going north/up. My lane was clear and I needed to look forward and focus on where I was headed. Cranking up the music, cruising right along and Fergies song “Big Girls Dont Cry” came on and it’s something about the chorus that gets you in a good mood and enables you to feel empowered to get up and do you. As I continued to drive, singing with my palm pumps in the air and my daughters (ages 4 & 1) in the back probably thinking I’m crazy, I realized it’s time to stop wasting time feeling inept, starting standing up and doing what I have to do, and not worrying about things I can’t control.
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It’s personal, myself and I
We’ve got some straightenin’ out to do
And I’m gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I’ve got to get a move on with my life
It’s time to be a big girl now
And big girls don’t cry
Lyrics provided by VEVO
Album: The Dutchesss
Song link: https://g.co/kgs/7MuVTw